GregHowley.com

Oh Noes Teh Zombies!

July 2, 2008 -

Here's something that's been occupying my thoughts over the past few days since I heard a question posed at the end of the most recent Totally Rad Show podcast. The question was thus:

You are in a mall when zombies attack. you have one weapon, one song blasting on the speakers, and one famous person to fight alongside you.

So what and who do you choose? The answers that immediately popped into my head for weapon and companion are a lightsaber and Bruce Campbell. I still haven't come up with much for song options, but I'm trying to think of better choices, since those two options were picked by guys on the podcast. I mean, it's pretty hard to beat a lightsaber when you're talking about fighting zombies. Anyway, I'm gonna think about it some more, and post my conclusion in the comments. In the meantime, what would you choose?

Comments on Oh Noes Teh Zombies!
 
Comment Wed, July 2 - 12:47 PM by Ngewo
Did the companion have to be an actual person (since lightsaber is not an actual weapon??)

If not, my choice would be the Terminator. If you ever read Robots vs. Zombies or the sequel, Robots vs. Zombies vs. Amazons, you get to see some cool battles between a robot and a horde of zombies.

Weapon of Choice: Green Lantern Ring. Most powerful weapon in the universe...

Song: LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! No, just kidding, I would want something kind of silly. Actually Weapon of Choice by Fatboy Slim would be kind of funny.
 
Comment Wed, July 2 - 1:33 PM by Frank
Well, if I'm in the mall the only lightsabers handy will be the battery powered ones in Spencers. So, my next best choice would either be a fireman's axe from the emergency exits or shotgun from the spoorting goods store.

I have to agree with your person of choice, there is no one better at fighting undead than Bruce Campbell. I'd prefer his Army of Darkness incarnation over his take on Elvis in Bubba Ho Tep.

As for the song, for me it could be nothing but a tune from the great Rob Zombie. Perhaps Real Solution 9, Demonoid Phenomenon or my all-time favorite El Phantasmo and the Chicken Run Blast-o-Rama. That would definitely get my blood up to lay waste to the living dead.
 
Comment Wed, July 2 - 1:38 PM by Kris Johnson
Super-Soaker.
Dr. Ruth Westheimer.
The theme from "Family Ties".

Sha-na-na-na-naaaa!
 
Comment Wed, July 2 - 2:18 PM by Greg
After some thought, it seems like a Qualta Blade would be a good weapon. That's D'argo's weapon in Farscape - a sword that turns into some kind of pulse rifle.

I'll take Ray Park for my celebrity. He may not be Darth Maul, but that guy can move.

And after a lot of thought, "Don't Fear The Reaper" may be my song. Perhaps a bit generic, but I can't come up with anything better.
 
Comment Wed, July 2 - 5:46 PM by pmd
Hmm, not something I like to think about too often. I assume we're talking Kobayashi Maru here (no win).

I'd have to pick an AA-12 automatic shotgun (titanium shot) with a 32 round (or better) drum. I'd pick David Zayas (Angel Batista on Dexter) since he was in the military and he was also a NYC cop. The song would have to be "One Step Beyond" by Madness.

Sorry, not my kind of game.... best I could come up with.

 
Comment Wed, July 2 - 6:17 PM by Greg
Ngewo-
These zombies are yellow.
 
Comment Wed, July 2 - 11:38 PM by Rich Meister
Weapon: Jackie Chan /w a Cutco fruit peeler.
Famous Person: Charlton Heston (I mean..Ben Hur...need I saw more...)
Song: Girl from Ipanema
 
Comment Thu, July 3 - 7:53 AM by Brandon
Weapon: Lightsaber
Person: Whoever runs the NRA cause I'm sure that cat is armed to the teeth and knows how to shoot.
Song: Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi
 
Comment Thu, July 3 - 7:54 AM by Brandon
Oh, one more thing, Green Lantern's ring works on yellow things. This ain't Silver Age son! ;)
 
Comment Thu, July 3 - 8:36 AM by The Dock
Seeing how we have included "Fictional" weapons and people. Here are my Choices

Weapon: Phased Plasma Rifle in the 40 watt range.
Person: Burt Grummer from Tremors (Tremors 2 incarnation of Michael Gross)because he has the guns and knows what to do in an "ambush situation". This clearly qualifies.

Song: Big Ball$ by AC/DC
 
Comment Thu, July 3 - 1:28 PM by Gideon
Weapon: Mace; though now that it's been mentioned, I really thing lightsaber is the way to go (with Mjolnir a close second).

Person: If we're going fictional people, probably River from Serenity; she'd be able to lay waste to the zombies for me as well as provide post apocalyptic lovin'.

If we're talking real people, maybe Tony Jaa. Same reason.

Song: Either Brackish by Kittie, or Beastie Boys' Intergalactic.
 
Comment Thu, July 3 - 1:44 PM by tagger
A flame thrower charged with napalm (you can't kill a zombie--they're already dead, so you have to settle for getting rid of the corpus).

Audie Murphy

Just about anything by Wagner.
 
Comment Sun, July 6 - 5:04 PM by Keith
FOR People with me in the Mall I would choose:

GOD or Jesus depending on who was not bussy at the time

For weapons: Pen. Thats right I said a pen. Pen mightier then the sword...
Just kidding...I would be careful on the saws, since they now have one that if it touches FLesh, it will turn itsself off automatically. with just a scrape of the flesh.

Weapon would be Ironmans suit.




For Music:
It's a small small world....God I hate that song.. just kidding..."if your going through hell you have the devil too pay." by Rodeny atkins.

wife chooses Jet li with some blaster weapon and the song from eye of the tiger.
 
Comment Wed, July 9 - 11:15 AM by Greg
The guys on the boagworld podcast brought up this same question! Strange, since it's a podcast about web design. And they all picked a cricket club. What can I say? They're British.
 
Comment Thu, July 10 - 7:02 PM by Zombie
This qiestion is in favor the living. I want to reply for the UNDEAD Union LOCAL 666.

If I was in the mall I would defienttly pick MEGAN FOX. DAMN she is hot( from TRANSFORMERS)to be trapped in the mall on what would and could be the last days on Earth I would pick a hottie.

THe weapon of choice would have to be a freshly torn off Limb, either being an arm or a leg. I am a Leg man myself. There is nothing like fresh FLESH and manggled bone slashing and tenderizing against raw, uncooked, bloody flesh.


The music choice: We the members of Union 666. Request that it not be Micheal Jacksons Thriller.

None-of us can danace like that. Besides They are from diffent UNION.

We also request that the song not be a small small world. We would kill ourselves.

No techno, nor Disco, nor soundtracks, from sci fi movies or braveheart.

We do how ever like heavy metal and hard rock. The Greatful Dead.



Flame throwers and maces are not recommended, since they would be very effective against us. Please stay away from the armored Security carts, fitted with body armor and weapons. Security Guards armed to the teeth in golf carts might put an end to our FUN.

Thank you for your time.

R. UNDEAD Zombie
 
Comment Mon, July 14 - 8:23 PM by Tuco
1) Crossbow
2) Freefall by Jeckyll & hyde
3) Nick Nolte