Recently, the crazy group of 6 I work with has taken to calling each other by different names. Yes, this is the same group that plays the YouAreDumb game. I'm Rupert. At least I'm not Skippy or Rasheed like my coworkers though. It all started in an IM conversation between my boss and I last friday.
Before I can tell the story however, I've got to give you some background info. My boss Gregg is the same age as I am and sits about two feet to my left in the adjacent cubicle. Why do we talk via IM? I have no answer for you.
But although politically correct almost to a fault, Gregg is very fond of heckling people. He and Mark have taken to calling me "The Whirly Twirly Guy" since they learned about my swing dancing. The following conversation begins just after we'd been discussing whether Count Rugen and Prince Humperdinck, two characters from Princess Bride were gay. Aside from formatting and commenting on Gregg's list and removing typos, this is our full conversation.
ghowleytrv (2:28:50 PM): I'm heartbroken about Count Rhoogan
GDIGENNA68 (2:32:54 PM): Why? Did you have a thing for him?
ghowleytrv (2:33:13 PM): If I had, wouldn't I be excited rather than heartbroken?
GDIGENNA68 (2:33:31 PM): No, because part of the revelation is that he is madly in love with the prince
GDIGENNA68 (2:33:50 PM): He has no room in his heart for a whirly twirly boy
ghowleytrv (2:33:56 PM): Didn't they all die anyway?
GDIGENNA68 (2:34:05 PM): Humperdink lived
ghowleytrv (2:34:07 PM): Hey - that's whirly twirly man to you...
GDIGENNA68 (2:34:16 PM): Sorry, I forgot
ghowleytrv (2:34:31 PM): Mister whirly twirly man
ghowleytrv (2:34:37 PM): ...sir
GDIGENNA68 (2:34:43 PM): You're pushing it, don't you think?
ghowleytrv (2:34:58 PM): just as far as I can
GDIGENNA68 (2:34:59 PM): You're lucky we don't just call you whirly twirly
GDIGENNA68 (2:35:10 PM): You pushed it too far
GDIGENNA68 (2:35:16 PM): Now you're just whirly twirly
ghowleytrv (2:35:29 PM): yeah yeah... that and 100 other nicknames
GDIGENNA68 (2:35:35 PM): Keep pushing and you'll get WT
GDIGENNA68 (2:35:49 PM): Wait, that would be better, wouldn't it?
GDIGENNA68 (2:36:04 PM): How about just Twirly
GDIGENNA68 (2:36:28 PM): That's a nice sexually ambiguous nickname. No guys like sexually ambiguous nicknames
GDIGENNA68 (2:38:10 PM): You're going with Twirly
ghowleytrv (2:38:33 PM): I think we all have many nicknames
GDIGENNA68 (2:38:37 PM): We'll think of something for Keith
ghowleytrv (2:38:39 PM): I'm also Cpt. Valuation
GDIGENNA68 (2:38:59 PM): True. And Major Coinsurance
ghowleytrv (2:39:05 PM): and you're Heckle
ghowleytrv (2:39:11 PM): and Sherlock
GDIGENNA68 (2:39:15 PM): I want to be General Heckles. You shouldn't outrank me
ghowleytrv (2:39:16 PM): and RB is Mycroft
GDIGENNA68 (2:39:38 PM): a team isn't a team until everyone has a nickname
ghowleytrv (2:39:52 PM): Melissa is at a nickname shortage
ghowleytrv (2:40:04 PM): or is it just that we can't use any of hers in polte company?
GDIGENNA68 (2:40:06 PM): We should come up with nicknames that are just bad takes on everyone's last names. How about this.
GDIGENNA68 (2:41:04 PM):
GDIGENNA68 (2:41:18 PM): And Liro can be Nero
GDIGENNA68 (2:41:43 PM): You like Silver City, don't you? We could just call him Meriden and that would really confuse people
ghowleytrv (2:42:04 PM): Or we could call him Stewart. That would confuse him.
GDIGENNA68 (2:42:28 PM): I dare you to call him Stewart for an entire day
ghowleytrv (2:42:32 PM): oh man
ghowleytrv (2:42:35 PM): That's too good
GDIGENNA68 (2:42:37 PM): Just refuse to call him anything other than stewart
ghowleytrv (2:42:40 PM): I think you have to join in
GDIGENNA68 (2:42:43 PM): And you have to do it in the meeting tomorrow
ghowleytrv (2:42:45 PM): We should both do it
GDIGENNA68 (2:42:56 PM): Don't get me into your sick little games
ghowleytrv (2:43:04 PM): My games?
GDIGENNA68 (2:43:11 PM): Exactly
ghowleytrv (2:43:11 PM): Whose idea was it that I should call him that all day?
GDIGENNA68 (2:43:19 PM): Yours
ghowleytrv (2:43:23 PM): N
GDIGENNA68 (2:43:27 PM): I've delegated the decision to you.
GDIGENNA68 (2:44:02 PM): That would be rich, wouldn't it? We could get the whole team to call him Stewart
GDIGENNA68 (2:44:05 PM): Or just Stew
GDIGENNA68 (2:44:08 PM): Of Stewy
ghowleytrv (2:44:12 PM): Stewart sounds better
GDIGENNA68 (2:44:18 PM): I'm laughing just thinking about it
ghowleytrv (2:44:23 PM): I can't hear you
GDIGENNA68 (2:44:32 PM): I was just about to say something like that
ghowleytrv (2:45:30 PM): Guess what?
GDIGENNA68 (2:45:43 PM): What?
GDIGENNA68 (2:45:56 PM): If you say chicken butt . . .
ghowleytrv (2:45:56 PM): look behind you
At this point, he turned to see that I'd replaced Mark's nametag with a handwritten one that said "Stewart". It's still there. And soon afterwards, we all had nicknames. Call me Rupert.
The anthology is called "The Best of All Possible Worlds." The copy I have was published by Ace in 1980.