GregHowley.com

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who cannot understand why someone would place an item in a garbage can when that item by itself takes up 90% or more of the garbage can's space, and those who cannot see anything wrong with doing so.

Unfortunately, while my wife and I agree on the vast majority of issues, political, moral, and otherwise, we fall on different sides of this particular divide.

This is no news to me - I've known for a long time. And yet I've been oddly incapable of adequately relating to her my own views on the matter. I've tried explaining that having a container holding an item nearly as large as itself invalidates the need for a receptacle. I've tried the suitcase-inside-a-suitcase analogy. And somehow I just can't seem to express myself.

And I've learned that there are others within Linda's family who've taken up a side in this struggle. A family member of hers, visiting our new child, recently found lodging in my office. Inside, I have a small wastepaper basket. Upon reentering, I found a large shoebox inside the previously empty basket. And while the shoebox, lying on end, didn't quite protrude beyond the top of the basket, its sides nearly touched the inside edges of the basket. Thus, it took up between 80% and 90% of the space. Seeing this, I decided that it was genetic. This concept was later reinforced when I found a second similarly sized shoebox balancing atop the wastepaper basket a few days later.

I found myself recently fantasizing about if I were ever to discover a new neurotransmitter that gifts people with superhuman abilities. Would I attempt to send these superpowered people back in time with the intent of changing the past so that all of humanity would cease throwing overlarge items into disproportionately small garbage cans?

But this morning, I found a cardboard box (itself garbage) sitting not inside, but on the ground next to the kitchen trash can. Linda's mother apparently sees things the way that I do. I suppose there is hope for humanity.