Now that 2011 has blown its load in terms of good movies and games, I got it in my head this morning that I should take a look at the movies coming out next year. Then I realized that I did that back in July. But I took a second look anyway, and realized that there's a lot more to talk about other than The Avengers, The Hobbit, Spiderman, Superman, Batman, Ghostbusters, The Hunger Games, and Total Recall.
Fairy Tales
In my last article, I mentioned my interest in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hnuter, despite not having read the book. Little did I know that new takes on fairy tales would become a trend.
- Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters - Action horror comedy? Sounds like something I might like. The description makes it sound a bit gorier than I'd like, but the grown-up siblings acting as witch-hunters is a great premise.
- Snow White and the Huntsman - Snow White in plate armor with a sword? Weird. The Seven Dwarves as her henchmen? Ohhhkay. Nothing about the plot anywhere. Who knows?
- Jack the Giant Killer - Kind of an obvious one for a fairy tale action movie, isn't it? Hugely cliche, and I'll bet we all know exactly what the movie will be like.
Unnecessary Sequels
- Scary Movie 5 - A fifth one? Come on. I saw the first one back in 2000 on a date, but come on. For real, guys.
- Underworld: Awakening - Absolutely unnecessary. I will admit to watching the first two movies in this series. But we do not need another one. I don't even know how many movies are in this series.
- The Expendables 2 - The first one was fun mainly because of the huge cast of aging eighties action heroes. Now they've got Jean-Claude Van Damme and effing Chuck Norris. Also more substantial roles for Bruce Willis and Arnie. Still, I'm not sure if the movie will hold up now that the novelty is gone.
- Wrath of the Titans - What's worse than an unneccessary sequel? An unneccessary sequel to an unneccessary remake.
- Men in Black 3 - I thought they let this franchise die. Both Wil Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are better than this.
- The Bourne Legacy - I've seen a bunch of these, but I stopped following the plot after the first movie.
- Resident Evil: Retribution - Ugh. Another one.
- Paranormal Activity 4 - I saw the first movie. It was surprising and pretty good. But I didn't need more after that. When I saw the upcoming 4th installment, I was surprised because I didn't know there'd been a third.
- Taken 2 - Wait a minute. Am I reading this right? A sequel to the 2008 Liam Neeson movie? How is this possible? After the former badass special agent's daughter is kidnapped and he goes through hell and rescues her, she's kidnapped again? WTF? The chick is princess Peach!
Unnecessary Remakes
- The Three Stooges - Hard to replace the originals.
- Red Dawn - I'd actually been interested in this one before I realized that much of what I liked about the first one was how very eighties it was. Wolveriiiines!
- Dredd - Because what everyone really wanted was more Judge Dredd on the big screen.
- Dorothy of Oz - Okay, so it's a computer animated cartoon and a new story, possibly based on the continued adventures penned by Frank Baum. That buys it a tiny bit of lattutude. That said, who thinks the movie will be good? Show of hands?
- Frankenweenie - A remake of the 1984 movie. Can you believe it?
- 21 Jump Street - Wow. Just... wow.
Hopeful
Despite the above-mentioned melange of cinematic detritus, I yet hold some hope for the films of 2012. There are of course the ten movies from my first article, and there are also these.
- Riddick - An as-of-yet-untitled sequel in the Chronicles of Riddick series. Vin Diesel's pattern seems to be one movie, then one video game, then another movie. After Pitch Black, we had The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay, The Chronicles of Riddick (the movie), and The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena. There was also a direct-to-DVD cartoon called The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury which I never saw. I have to say, I do like the series. When I first saw Pitch Black, my opinion of the Riddick character was of an antisocial badass role-model for juvenile delinquents. But after hearing that Vin Diesel was in actuality a Dungeons and Dragons player, my view of Riddick shifted. I liked the first movie, and I loved Butcher Bay. Dark Athena was crap, but I'm still hopeful for the next movie and I'm glad that the franchise hasn't died.
- John Carter - All I know about the movie is that it's based on a popular book. I've seen the trailer more than once an I know it's full of spectacle. Maybe I should read the book(s).
- World War Z - I love love loved the book, and it seems less than likely that the movie will do the book justice. Still, I'm hoping.
- Rise of the Guardians - Here's my long-shot. A mismatched band of super-heroes: Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy, and Jack Frost, have to stop the nefarious plot of The Boogeyman. Obviously a kids' movie, but it sounds just ridiculous enough to be fun.